AAAAAAAAH!

Roll with the flow,
is that like rolling into the unknown?
Into an abyss
of decisions and situations
you had no control over?
Your humanity cannot be determined
by a farce.
There is nothing left
but to resign to your comfort
but then you're swallowed whole
inside
because there is no struggle.
Your survival for life is your choice.

A Day of Conversation

On 4th of July at 8:30AM I get a text message from my boss telling me I don't have to come in and work. I take the chance to have sometime off since I had already worked seven days straight. I had no idea what I was going to do that day. I think I've said before, I ware people out with my need to be on the constant mood. But this day I had a partner in crime.

I was in the mood for Plearn on University Avenue.
I could almost always be in the mood but he wanted actually breakfast for brunch. Fellini's on University was closed. We hopped on the 51 bus to College Avenue in Rockridge. We got breakfast at Crepevine. Crepevine is one of my favorite places cause they have vegan and non-vegan food. So I don't have to worry! We had mimosas with our brunch.

Then right across the street on College Avenue was Ye Old Hut. This old English pub that had the Dodgers Vs. the Padres. So for those who don't know, the dude in me, loves baseball. I always have. I don't know if it is because of growing up going to Dodger Stadium and the fact I played 1st Base for 3 years on an all boys team. But I just love it. I still would play if I could find a league. I hate softball though. The ball is larger and they pitch underhand. Not a fan. But anyways there was a bike hipster watching baseball. A few people coming in and out. The bartender was an older gentleman who had spent time St. Louis, Missouri. He was a nice man and apparently the bar is going to host a softball game on the 18th coming up. I want to go back for the information. They also had a nice jukebox and pool. I'm a fan of Pacifico Beer and pool.

Then we hopped on the Rockridge BART to San Francisco's 16th Mission stop. Our bar hopping didn't go to far because on 16th there are bars right across the street from each other. We went to Delirium that was playing metal. Then Kilowatt that was playing metal and country (I guess for all those hipster from the mid-west). I wasn't very impressed but then again I like going to wine bars. Our friend got off work in the Mission and we went to Benders. Benders is the perfect place if you have a bike and a crew. They have hook bike racks inside and if your a vegan they tofurky dogs. The drinks were the most pricey there though on 19th and S. Van Ness.

We left and moved on to our last bar before BART ends at 12:26 from 16th & Mission. UGH It's like we turn into pumpkings us east bay folk. But I've already ranted about that before. The last bar we went to was the Phoenix on Valencia. It's an Irish pub that has an older crowd and a lot of randoms. No actual coherent scene there. The people next to us were from Santa Barbara. I still have never been to Santa Barbara. Not sure if I'm interested but apparently the Halloween in SB lasts seven days. 7 WHOLE DAYS! Couch burnings, house parties, and chaos on the streets. I'd have to be physically and emotionally prepared for such chaos. But it sounds enchanting. Of course the girls we're from Tri Delta and very friendly. Letting me know it didn't matter if I'm a lesbian, hated judgmental people, and liked being in the bay area. I always think it is funny that even though I identity as pansexual, my short haired affect is generally dyke dude who looks femme from time to time.

Younger people who come from suburban situations that first see the bay area have this glimmer in their eye that is very endearing of a magical place where anyone can be who they are without pretension. I felt like such a cynical old man listening to them talk about how beautiful people are and judgment is a horrible thing. Obviously it is a problem when it is based just off identity but I've heard conversations about judgment for the last 3 years and its been on a completely different reality of vocabulary. It's been about the fact it is ok to judge people, that its ok to be mean, and talk shit about friends. I don't know how to explain it without simplifying it because it has been within the realm of people who care about each other making each other uncomfortable. And I certainly can't hang with it all the time, but I realize the influence these conversations have within other social realities. And how I talk to people.

My buddy from Oakland with me is also an Orange County transplant. He is excited about getting oranges tattooed on him and having pride about being from OC. One might think this is unusual with the wrap Orange County has. He was born in the city of Orange. He spent a lot of time in Orange, Fullerton, Santa Ana, and Garden Grove. The area he was in and spending a lot of time in were mostly working class areas with people of color. That is the side of OC that nobody really knows about. We all used to go to the Lebanese restaurant, with hookahs, vegan food called Al-Waha BBQ on Chapman Avenue. It was the only place that played Aljazeera in Orange County. He relates the story to me by telling me he dug ditches for $8/hr with mostly Spanish speaking people. That's what OC was about and he has pride. He wants me to get orange tattoos as well. But I grew up in Irvine where people go to get away "from dirty areas" and "be safe". The most scandalous thing happening in Irvine was a cheerleader getting alcohol poisoning or a disruptive kid getting shipped off to military school. The police in Irvine would drop off homeless people in Santa Ana. My experience of OC doesn't leave me with pride. But more a feeling of survival and amazement that I found people to make community with. And now almost five years later I've done the same thing.

My Birthday Dinner

My biggest expensive in my life is the fact I like really really classy restaurant establishments. There is just something about the ambiance and skill of really fine food in San Francisco. So for my birthday I invited people to Marketbar Restaurant at the Ferry Building. It's MarketOne side restaurant that is a bit cheaper. I knew right off the bat some of my East Bay friends (who hate the city as much as city people hate the East Bay) wouldn't come, vegans can't come, and the majority of straight edge friends can't come this evening.

I really had no idea who was going to be there for my birthday. My life has changed so much this year that I've kinda lost sight of a regular ongoing scene. But I knew from last year with a front yard full of 40 people, that I could never have a party that large again. It's just too stressful trying to chat with everyone! This year it was a small intimate setting of around 12-15 people who came for dinner or drinks after.


The food was amazing and everyone got an array of various items at Marketbar. My friend M and I got the Seafood Plateau that included oysters, lobster, crab, and shrimp. I've never in my whole life eaten anything that included using those metal tongs to pluck out my food. It took me a few minutes and was a bit annoying. But the lobster was certainly worth it. My Zinfandel from 05' was delicious, full, and fruity. The bread with the olive oil that had hints of fruity notes was a good touch for the beginning, along with the deviled eggs with crab & aioli. For dessert I got a Panna Cotta with strawberries and a nice dessert muscat. I highly recommend Marketbar to anyone who appreciates fine food for a cheaper price. Plates are priced between $12-25. And they have a prefix around $30. You can tell they have good cooks who are paying attention. Nothing is greasy including their french fries. The waiter we had was very friendly and our host made sure we all got cosmos in honor of my birthday. That was a very pleasant touch!

My friends who arrived were actually all East Bay from Berkeley and Oakland except one recent transplant to SOMA. A lot of us worked in San Francisco yesterday and didn't have to go far. People who've been around since I was 17, people I've just become friends with this year, and some older friends made the evening a wonderful array of the different personalities I tend to gravitate toward. There is a place for everyone.

After dinner, we just walked across the street to Americano Bar at the Hotel Vitale. One of my coworkers met up with us where we continued to enjoy nice drinks and a front yard patio with a smoking area. It was nice to be right near the Bay Bridge in the evening and close to the Embarcadero BART that we all had to get on to get home. Some people who hadn't eaten got some food and the rest of us we're drinking various cocktails and shots. Our waitress was very nice. I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to go there but the outdoor seating was very cozy. Not to mention the lime cashews and spicy almonds were a nice touch.


It was the quintessential Downtown San Francisco birthday! I got a gift certificate for Bound Together Books and Cocoa Bella. Anarchist Books and Chocolate... what else could I ask for? My mom came by my work earlier to give me some gifts and everyone was so thoughtful including a handmade cake, wine, and drinks. Since I am working today I didn't stay up too late.

What the year 22 has to bring, we will only come to find out...

Dear Dad, the letter I wish I could send...

Dear Dad,

Thanks for the phone call about my birthday. Things have been good in Berkeley. It’s been a struggle trying to situate myself but I’m accomplishing it. I’m working in San Francisco again at my old job. It’s tiring commuting on public transit but rent is too high in San Francisco. I’m not angry with you. I’m just sad. I feel like there is a lot of habits I can’t change. I want to be in relationships with people who care about me and what I am doing. I understand that when I came to live with you, you felt you were doing what you could. Giving me a room in your house. But at the time I needed emotional support and help figuring out what I was doing. All I could do was work full-time and I ended up working at the mall with people who were very rude and mean to me. I had nobody backing me up. Mom was going through a hard time emotionally and financially as well. So I felt on the backburner of everything. And then on top of it you were living with a woman who acted like my friend and then went telling you I shouldn’t be allowed in the house because of a piercing. You decided you wanted a traditional suburban life with kids, a house, and assimilated into a white culture that has no interest with Jewish or Mexican people. I still care about your kids and believe it or not, you. But I need a relationship with someone I can talk to and share something about their life. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who treats me like I’m one of the Dodger fans listening to your vendor speeches. I understand you had a tough childhood with neglectful parents. But you have to understand that whatever communist ideals you think your parents had, they also traded in their lives to assimilate to what the United States had to offer them. If they have a family, then they survive too. But I’m not interested in just surviving. And it is an endless cycle. Who are you? What are your passions besides surviving? And maybe these are questions I’m trying to answer too.

I don’t know if this clears up anything. But if I had to tell you anything about myself its that I’m not interested in the misogynistic culture that I was born into and I don’t want to be in emotionally abusive relationships or relationships out of obligation. I want to be in relationships with people who sincerely want me around.

Have a good one.

Sabrina

Pride Weekend in San Francisco: It's not just a non-profit celebration

The price of normal

THE QUEER ISSUE: Who, exactly, does gay marriage benefit?

By Tommi Avicolli Mecca

An early Gay Liberation Front
poster from the 1970s

news@sfbg.com

With a 2010 state proposition on gay marriage in the works and a national gay rally on the Washington Mall being planned for October 10-11 of that year, it's obvious that more and more of the LGBT community's resources are being funneled into the battle for marriage equality, while other causes go begging.

Already gay marriage has become a black hole that is sucking untold amounts of money, time, and energy out of our community. In the 2008 election alone, gay marriage supporters raised $43.3 million to defeat Proposition 8, the anti-gay marriage initiative that California voters passed by 52 percent. It may be the biggest chunk of change the community has ever spent for a single fight.

A QUESTION OF PRIORITIES

I'm not against gay marriage. If queer couples want to be as miserable as straight ones, that's their choice. Marriage is a failed institution. With a 54.8 percent divorce rate nationally and a 60 percent rate here in California, there's no doubt in my mind that heterosexual "wedded bliss" is more of an oxymoron than a reality.

What's troubling to me as a queer activist of almost 40 years (much of that time spent on economic justice work) is that, with the tremendous amount of homelessness, poverty, and unemployment in our community, we are spending so much dough on the fight to give a minority of folks — those who opt for tying the knot — rights and privileges that straight married folks have.

Sure, it's unfair that married straights get tax breaks, not to mention the status of next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions when one partner is ill, and queers don't. Altogether, married couples have 1,400 benefits, both state and federal, that domestic partners and single people don't enjoy. It's a matter of simple justice that the playing field be leveled. Only a right-wing idiot could disagree with that. Now, if only we could fight to give everyone (including singles) those 1,400 benefits.

For me it's a question of priorities. We are living in scary times. Unemployment is sky-high; millions are without healthcare, including children; foreclosures are robbing homeowners and tenants alike of their housing; and business collapses are leaving a lot of people out in the cold and unable to pay the rent or the mortgage.

DINKS NO MORE

The queer community is no better off.

It's a popular misconception that queers have a lot of disposable income. The "double income, no kids" (DINK) myth was promoted in the 1980s by gay publishers who wanted to expand their advertising base and their profits. These days, to read many gay publications, you'd think that all queers are going on fabulous vacations and buying expensive clothes, jewelry, and electronic gizmos.

That myth was easily dispelled by a recent study, "Poverty in the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Community," published this March by the Williams Institute at UCLA. Like "Income Inflation: the myth of affluence among gay, lesbian, and bisexual Americans," the groundbreaking 1998 study by M.V. Lee Badgett of the Department of Economics at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, the Williams report found that many members of our community aren't shopping 'til they drop. They can barely afford to put food on the table.

Nationally, 24 percent of lesbians and bisexual women are poor compared to 19 percent of heterosexual women; 15 percent of gay and bisexual men are poor compared to 13 percent of heterosexual men.

Queers aren't just low on cash — we're homeless, too. A 2006 report, "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Youth: An Epidemic of Homelessness" from the National Lesbian and Gay Task Force and the National Coalition on Homelessness, showed that 20 percent to 40 percent of the 1.6 million homeless youth in America identify as LGBT. In San Francisco, the number of queers in the homeless youth population (estimated at 4,000 by the Mayor's Office) is "roughly 44 percent," according to Dr. Mike Toohey of the Homeless Youth Alliance in the Haight.

Brian Basinger of the AIDS Housing Alliance says that 40 percent of people with HIV/AIDS, in the city once acclaimed for its care of those with the disease, are either "unstably housed or are homeless." In the Castro, Basinger said, there are only "12 dedicated HOPWA beds" for people with the disease. HOPWA (Housing Opportunities for People with AIDS) is a federal voucher program for low-income people with AIDS that is similar to federal housing assistance program Section 8.

Certain members of our community don't fare much better in the area of employment. A 2006 survey by the Guardian and the Transgender Law Center reported that 75 percent of transgender people are not employed full-time, and 59 percent make less than $15,299 a year. A mere 4 percent of respondents earned more than $61,200, the then-median income average for San Francisco.

Fifty-seven percent of trangendered people said they suffered employment discrimination, demonstrating the need for the inclusion of "gender identity" in the federal Employment Non-discrimination Act. Human Rights Campaign, a national gay organization, and out Congress member Barney Frank (D-Mass.) cut transgenders out of that legislation the last time it was up before Congress.

It could all get a whole lot worse.

AXING THE FUTURE

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to lop at least $81 million from California's AIDS budget, including money for AIDS drugs, leaving low-income people stranded without their medication. Senior services are also on his cutting block, including $230.8 million from in-home services and $117 million from adult health-care programs. (As we go to press, the state Legislature is working to restore the AIDS money to the budget.)

Mayor Gavin Newsom, in his proposed city budget cuts, is axing $128.4 million from public health and $15.9 million from human services. There's no doubt these cuts in health and human services will severely affect people with AIDS, seniors, youth, the homeless, and others in our community who can least afford to pay for the city's budget shortfall.

The millions spent on gay marriage in the past few years could have gone a long way in these lean times. It could have helped make the proposed queer senior housing project, Open House, a reality. With 88 units in the works at 55 Laguna St., the site of the old UC extension, it will be the only such housing for LGBT seniors in San Francisco.

The money also could have funded housing in the Castro for homeless queer youth or people with AIDS. It could have been used as seed money for a much-needed war against poverty in the LGBT community.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF LIBERATION

The queer movement hasn't always been this obsessed about getting hitched. Forty years ago this week, drag queens and others fought back against the cops who were raiding a gay bar called the Stonewall Inn in New York City's West Village. Three days of protests led to the creation of the Gay Liberation Front (GLF), a revolutionary group dedicated to the sexual liberation of all people. GLFers weren't looking to walk down the aisle or form binary couples. In a desire to "abolish existing social institutions," as the NYC branch of GLF said in its statement of purpose, some GLFers explored polyamory (more than one relationship at a time).

That's why I edited Smash the Church, Smash the State! The Early Years of Gay Liberation, just published by City Lights Books, a collection of writings by former GLF members and other gay liberationists. I wanted to commemorate the 40th anniversary of Stonewall and the birth of GLF with a reminder of who we were and what we did. After all these years, I still don't want to head to the chapel to get married.

When it really comes down to it, gay marriage is a conservative issue. It's about wanting to fit in, to be like everyone else. Beyond the important issues of tax breaks and next-of-kin status — and the fact that if any institution exists, it shouldn't discriminate against queers — marriage is ultimately a means of normalizing binary queer relationships, especially for gay men who have always enjoyed the freedom to be promiscuous. It's a way to try and rein in our libidos, though the prevalence of extramarital sex among straight couples — 50 percent for women, 60 percent for men, according to a recent issue of Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy — shows that marriage doesn't come with a chastity belt.

It also doesn't come with any guarantees, as researchers discovered in Sweden, where queers were able to contract for same-sex partnerships from 1995 until recently, when full same-sex marriage was instituted. According to a study by the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, Swedish queers have been divorcing in high numbers, like their straight counterparts, who have a divorce rate that's just a little higher than the United States.

For queers in Sweden, that's the price of being normal.

Tommi Avicolli Mecca, who has been a queer activist since he was involved with the Gay Liberation Front at Temple University in Philadelphia in the early 1970s, is editor of Smash the Church, Smash the State! The Early Years of Gay Liberation (City Lights Books).

Wednesday June 24, 2009

America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel

I don't even know where to begin on such a journey these last couple of weeks. This summer I'm not going far for too long as opposed to last summer where I traveled for two months. Due to the economy my hours got cut back and so I took this opportunity to travel down to Southern California. The amount of public transit I took to get around Los Angeles was insane. The bus probably averaged 5-6 hrs each day getting to all my favorite locales.

I immediately hopped in the car after work this past Sunday to find myself traveling with a raw foodist vegan. There's no problem with that. Then the sage and rocks all over the car made it quite interesting. She reminds me of a prototype of a person I've already met. I have a great love for all the characters I've met along the way- the christian fundamentalist, the family man from Pasadena, and the woman from Hershey, Pennsylvania. LA is a hot bed of people who wanted the sun and a city to make it. I had a good time. Los Angeles ain't the pits if you give it a chance. Venice is pretty much what Berkeley would be if we had a rad beach.

I wouldn't say that I want to build a family. I certainly want to have close relationships with lots of people and when someone is in trouble or something is going down, I can be around. I realized I don't know what I'm doing in traditional senses of the term.... I'm not working on a project, I'm not working toward a career, and I'm not building anything with my hands right now. But I'm having the damnedest great time. There is lots of angst along the way dealing with living within capitalism. The end of neo-liberalism is not near and the day people can live collectively through consensus decision making is far from close. We're sick of politicians and the passive apathy must die.

I don't like bullshit and I like being straight forward with my heart on my sleeve. I'm too loyal. I don't have a facade of my persona, I'm a queer who wants to blur all the lines, which makes me an easy target for hurt. But in the end you get someone who cares and will stick around even if you go across the universe.

Wish I could be a recluse

The thing that really makes having friendships with people hard is watching people be more rad when they are in romantic relationships. I watch friends not flake, take their turn cooking, cleaning up, and just be overall more considerate of their partner. And for some reason this is a hard task when you aren't getting laid by your friend? Does sex really hold that much power? Or is it the economics involved of one of the people being a breadwinner or having the roof over their head? What does it mean if you cannot act this way in platonic relationships? Are these people that I want to be friends with? I'm glad their lover compels them to be considerate, and thoughtful but its just hard to watch people be spacey and so lame with friends.

A lot of traditional relationships argue that going to girlfriend or boyfriend island is a normal part of life. Girlfriend or boyfriend island is our reference to what happens when we stop seeing our friend because they just spend time with their lover. I know I will see this happen over and over especially when having kids is a part of the equation. But it seems like acting against normative relationships is a good idea and treating everyone the same way is a good idea.

I understand the arguments for being a recluse, I want to be one because people annoy me, but I'm just too gosh darn it social to ever be one. But I sympathize.